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USA TOUR October/November 2009
Honarary Englishmen abroad, hormone optimisation & other deep fried baloney biscuits.


Tuesday 27th October
Today is a travel day all the way to Washington State and Alan has booked us into a hotel in Fife, Washington which lies next to the port of Tacoma just off the motorway. Things do indeed look grim when we arrive but the guy at the front desk informs us that there is a sports bar just five minutes away. As it happens, Freddy’s club is a casino which has an excellent bar serving Chinese, Thai, and Vietnamese food as well as top class Washington state beer so clearly the song was correct; ‘Fife’s got everything - just the place for tourists’


a re-heated feast,
served up by our very own
scholar and gentleman
:
Mike Katz

Wednesday 28th - Saturday 31st October
Today we are playing the first of two sold out gigs at Traditions Café in Olympia. Dick Meyer is still a braw fella, as are all the staff at this establishment. As indeed they were last year.

The first show is the quieter of the two gigs as the second concert takes place on Halloween which is celebrated more emphatically in the States than in Scotland. Unfortunately on Halloween the local costume hire shops don’t have anything left in stock so we have to resort to genetic modification (and poor quality photoshopping) and appear as for one night only as ‘Osama bin Gibbons and the Hammer House of Horns’

Between the two Olympia gigs we have two shows. The first is a fantastic sell-out concert at the Kirkland Performance Center on the banks of Lake Washington close to Seattle. This has been organised at least in part by the Keith Highlanders pipe band, who perform an excellent opening set. Afterwards we are treated to a whisky tasting – or “whisky drinking” depending on your bent – at the Woodmark Hotel. This is an excellent residence for the night – a particularly nice touch is the martini kits in the rooms, complete with gin, vermouth, olives and a shaker. Now you’re sailing with gas Vinnie. (WTF)

The second show is another great night in Friday Harbor, one of our favourite places.
Clams, beer, gig, beer, pool, beer = a recipe for joy. Don’t ask any questions: just go there.

Sunday 1st November
Our last concert in this great state of Jimi Hendrixandria is a matinee on Whidbey Island at the Fort Casey Conference Centre. Not dissimilar to a village hall in Scotland, this is a grand show put on by the local concert association, with whom we have a fantastic steak meal - thanks folks!

Monday,2nd November
We are leaving Washington State today to begin the final leg of this tour in California and as our first gig is near Santa Cruz – the patron saint of low riders – we decide to make that our destination for this day of travel. And true to form there is a Monday “two for one” deal at 99 Bottles Of Beer. Unfortunately the offer only extends to the food because there is an inordinate selection of beer available at this establishment, which is a welcome development in the U.S. in general. Where once you only had a choice between the “king” and the “champagne” of beers, you can now partake in any number of mind-control I.P.A.’s, Amber and Pale ales, or stouts. There is even an Indica I.P.A. which, presumably, celebrates the genetic link between the hop and her famous cousin who is (or at least was when I was young) this fine state’s number one cash crop.


One too many pints of Indica meant Pauline Calf had to stand in for Alan that night...

Tuesday, 3rd November
Our first concert in California is at Don Quixote’s International Music Hall in Felton, which nestles in the Santa Cruz mountains, very near both the Bonny Doon Vineyards and the venerable Banana slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz. I feel smarter already. Our host is Bob Breheny who has put on concerts for many years in this area. Bob not only speaks exclusively in puns, but also bears an uncanny resemblance to our very own Alan Reid on this night.

Cenegenics? Perhaps we are in some time and space anomaly? One too many pints of indica I.P.A?
Or maybe not enough.


...and Sean too. I've had him

Our next show is a triumphant return to Ojai. This is the first time we have played here since Tom and Becky Lowe retired from putting on this successful concert series. The new boss, Shane Butler, is a good lad and judging by this year he will do a grand job. Aside from us he is putting on both Paddy Keenan and the incomparable Tom Russell . There is no substitute for quality. After the show we retreat to my parent’s house near the city of Ventura, which, incidentally, is named after Santa Buenaventura- the patron saint of good directions. There we are fed and watered by the bonny banks of the Pacific.