Wednesday 22nd September
Pat and Mick get up for Chorizo con Huevos at Ruchi's in Houston. Mexican Chorizo bears little resemblance to Spanish Chorizo in the same way that Lousianaine Andouille shares little with its French forbear. Mexican Chorizo, French Andouille, and Scottish Haggis for that matter are all based on offal rather than "prime" cuts of meat. These three peoples are also linked in that they are all accordion- playing peoples who prepare their food with their bare hands. I.e. no gloves. There is a growing trend in America whereby those who prepare food - the artists formerly known as "chef" - are required to wear latex gloves thereby playing their part in the war on bacteria.

Gloves are for the TSA. Never trust a chef with gloves for a chef that does not know how to wash his hands cannot be trusted to prepare your food. At any rate, Ruchi's chorizo is excellent, cheap, and prepared by the bare hands of accordion players.

This night we play at the Cactus Café in Austin Texas. The Cactus is run by great friends of ours with whom it is always a pleasure to meet: Griff, Christopher and Susan. Also at the gig are Pat and Nevada from the Asylum Street Spankers and Ed Miller, Renowned Scottish Singer and songwriter who also resides in Austin. There exists in Texas both great people and great culture: Don't judge a book by its burner.

Thursday 23rd September
Austin Airport and back to the Disneyland Massage of the TSA and the sugarised stench of Cinnabon - opium of the massive. Suitably refreshed we fly to Berkeley California and a gig at the Freight and Salvage though not before some Sea urchin eggs and giant clam at Genki Japanese restaurant - not a rubber glove on the premesis. The Freight and Salvage has been a stalwart gig through the centuries and after we adjourn to the Albatross bar: We are nothing if not creatures of habit.

Friday 24th September
With the onset of morning comes the almost inevitable plate of eggs and a drive to Winters California and the Palms Playhouse. The Palms like McCabes, the Cactus Café, and the Freight and Salvage is one of America's most famous "acoustic" venues and tonight is the first time we have visited since it moved from Davis to Winters - A small town north of Vacaville which, as all you latin scholars know, means "Cow Town". The gig north of Cow Town was top class and Dave Fleming - the boss - is a super cool guy who makes a great cup of tea and keeps the whole thing peachy. After we are drawn lemming-like to imbibe at Winters' best and only Irish Karaoke bar and while the singing was grand, the erse wasnae the best.

Sat 25th September Today we are playing at the Sebastapol Celtic festival which provides the occasion to meet other musicians and this festival is a great mob: Lunasa, Niamh Parsons, Liz Carroll and John Doyle, Baka Beyond, and the Old Blind Dogs… the list goes on. The festival is a great success and we are offered the luxury of seeing some of the other bands play and socialise in the Californian fashion: wine, agave tequila, badly played pool, and the exchange of vastly exaggerated stories with little basis in reality. Sun 26th September We make our way over the mountains to Reno: the biggest little city in the world. There is no doubt where we are once we enter the black, blue, purple and red neon casino/hotel which will be home for the next evening. Fourteen floors of rooms and several football pitches worth of gaming tables and theme bars manned by an army of scantily clad ladies tastefully dressed in purple swimsuits, tuxedo jackets, and of course; high heels. This I believe is Nevada state law.

In the absence of any photos of bikers and/or roulette, here's a picture of an elvis impersonator in a strip joint.

Adding to this psychadelic soup of U.S.D.A weirdness is a legion of bikers - at least 800 harleys - in town to see the Doobie Brothers at the said Casino and you could smell the leather as far away as Carson City. What are the odds of finding The Batties and the Doobies in the same desert? We played the amphitheatre at the Bartley Ranch Park: A great venue especially in the waning desert sunshine. After the gig we hooked up with Dave Andrews and the rest of the organisers for a meal and a few pints before we adjourn to our casino for a spot of roulette with the Hell's Angels, Barstow chapter.

It ain't 'arf hot mum!
On a different day,
on a different tour,
in a different country,
Drill Sgt. Pat Kilbride puts the boys through their paces

Mon 27th September
This is a day off and we go our separate ways for a night. Pat and Alan: Berkeley for Richard Shindell and a Curry. Mike, Rob, and Alasdair: San Francisco for martinis, pool, and octopus in black been sauce. On Tuesday we start our two day epic journey to Iowa with yet another flight, this time to Kansas City Missouri. This takes all day with the time difference and we arrive in time only to eat and watch some jazzers play beatles covers at the bar next door to the hotel.

Wed. 29th September
We have four hundred miles of corn to navigate in order to arrive at our next destination, Cedar Rapids, Iowa. CSPS is a multi-discipline arts venue: as well as gigs they display numerous visual arts and sculpture, much of which self- produced or at least self-instigated. After the show we have only time to go to sleep as tomorrow is another long drive to Chicago; and the hotel bar is closed..

Thurs 30th September
This year is election year in the United States of America and tonight we are competing with the first of three presidential "debates". In keeping with the spirit of things we decide to do the concert under very strict rules:

1. We forbid ourselves from playing certain tunes.
2. We are under no circumstances to play the same tune at the same time.
3. No tune is to last more than three minutes.
4. The audience must not applaud.
5. Under no circumstances will anyone play music spontaneously.

There is still some argument as to who won this concert though it most certainly took place in Fitzgerald's in Berwyn, Illinois.